BLASDELL, June 22 (WPI) -- Undisclosed sources report that Ms. Winga Winowana, self proclaimed empress of the universe in training, hugged bush today in a desperate ploy to garner media attention to her upcoming Broadway production, A Million Little Cookies.
Winga was recently released from the Annette Funicello Center for the Incurably Cute after a well publicized relapse that included hijacking the UPN studio that houses Tyra Bank's runaway hit, America's Next Top Model. Charges were dropped when UPN executives discovered that ratings soared the week of the hijacking, although some sources report that Ms. Banks had a hissy fit "a mile wide".
This recent bush media event occurred when Ms. Winga received her much belated kindergarten graduation certificate from the School of Hyper Little Egomaniacs."I am just so relieved!", stated Ms. Winga. "I never intended to hug the bush... it just happened." The Bush was checked out promptly by a team of horticulturists who report that the shrubbery remained unscathed from this episode.The bush declined to comment. Friends close to the bush state that he is talking with well known supermodel, Twiggy, about a book deal.Copyright 2006, Winga Press Interntaional. All Rights Reserved.
Day #5... or is it 6 8:11 p.m.Annette Funicello's Home for Those Addicted to Cuteness ... the parking lotSlick Louie was dead on!Corporate Kitty was able to make "legal" arrangements to spring Winga out of the Incurably Cute Hatch.Here's the deal.Corporate Kitty, Esq. of Cute, Cuddly and Litigious has bought the book rights to Winga's tell all memoir of life in Cute Rehab...A Million Little Cookies.No movie deal will be forthcoming.Mr. Corporate Kitty kept muttering something about Freying Oprah...Winga didn't comprehend...but,get this!A big time Broadway producer wants the story.Yes!You have that right...A MILLION LITTLE COOKIES: THE MUSICAL!!!Winga gets to pick the star who will portray her.And, of course, she has her cookie sotted heart set on Harvey Fierstein.So what's next?Well let's see...Book title?CHECK!Big money contract?CHECK!Ideas for star power?CHECK!Chapter 1?Um... WAH!Winga has to WRITE something.FEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(This blog is experiencing technical difficulties. Please do not adjust your computer.)beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...............................
DAY #4 - 12:46 a.m.
The Annette Funicello Home for the Incurably Cute
Dear Diary,
Winga can't take another day here.
Gonna blow this joint as soon as I lose enough weight to squeeze out the window.
That might take some time.
Tried to get a cotton candy fix, but al the good stuff is locked up.
Met a man named Slick Louie Licorice from the men's ward.
The wardens...er... counselors say that girls and guys can not talk to each other here. They are afraid that we may get sweet on each other.
Slick Louie dropped his tray and threw me a note.
Says he can meet me at the duck pond after the Disney Anonymous meeting tomorrow.
Says he's got my Mickey Mouse ears (they were locked in storage) and a message from Mr. Corporate Kitty, Esq. of Cute, Cuddly & Litigious.
Rumor has it they are willing to cut Winga a plea bargain for the My Melody on acid remarks in exchange for the movie rights to A Million Little Cookies.
Always knew a good book title would sell like hotcakes.
But, gosh darn... now Winga may have to actually WRITE a book.
Where are my pink fuzzy pens when I need them?
Feh.
WINGA
Dear Gentle Readers,
We regret to inform you that Ms. Winga's recovery progress at the Annette Funicello Home for Those Addicted to Cuteness is at a standstill.
The night shift caught Ms. Winga hidden in her closet with a laptop computer trying to mainline the following website:
http://cuteoverload.com/Her counselor reported to us that she was found in a catatonic state after apparently clicking on the Bunnies link.
It also seems that Ms. Winga had tried to jam paper into the laptop and is working on her memoirs, A Million Little Cookies.
We continue to request that her readers (all four of you) remain patient as we sort this out and help Ms. Winga to overcome her addiction to the terminally cute.
Sincerely,
Monty
Royal Chamberlain to Her Not So Serene Highness and Aspiring Empress to the Universe
Day #2
11:47 p.m. EST
Annette Funicello Home for Those Addicted to Cuteness
Dear Blog,
This is Winga.
Mickey "The Rat" Candytush slipped me a laptop computer.
I tossed my cookies a kerjillion times this morning.
Had lots of time to think while cookie tossing.
Winga has decided to write her memoirs while cooped up in this horrible place.
It's called A Million Little Cookies.
That's all Winga has right now.
But, if you got a really, really good title you can sell anything.
Tomorrow Winga is going to figure out how to get paper into this thing and start typing that first chapter.
Hooboy!
Winga can just feel all the calls coming in now.
