#23 - RELAPSE!

Aspiring Empress of the Universe, Ms. Winga Winowana, regrets to inform everyone that she will be temproarily detained at the Annette Funicello Home for Those Addicted to Cuteness.

Ms. Winowana has provided the following statment to her loyal readers (all 4 of them!):

"FEH."

Translation: "This stinks! Bring me some cookies and Winga's Hello Kitty pillow."

Winga will be involved in intensive treatment for the next four weeks.

She will be attending daily D.A. meetings. (Disney Anonymous) and learning to avoid ongoing legal battles with the law offices of Cute, Cuddly, and Litigious.

It is our heartfelt hope that she will surrender her Mickey Mouse ears and her fuzzy pens... or at the very least, stop throwing them at everyone.

We will keep readers posted as Winga's recovery progresses.

Ms. Winga has requested at this difficult time that people provide her with the privacy required to commit herself (or be committed) to the 12 steps of relieving oneself of terminal cuteness.

Signed,

Monty

Royal Chamberlain to Aspiring Empress of the Universe

#22 - The Rest of the Story

Current mood: hungry

Sorry for the delay in the most recent installment of the wild and wacky world of Winga.

Took the lawyers a while to get her out of the hooscow.

Here is the rest of the UPN Hijacking as drawn by court artist (and newfound Winga pal) Lowtide "The Cookie" Lou:






p.s. Our sincerest apologies to Tyra Bank's face. Lowtide's crayons broke halfway through the sketch and then he spilled coffee on it.

What do you expect from an artist who can be paid with storebought cookies?

Currently reading: Breaking Out of Food Jail: How to Free Yourself from Diets and Problem Eating, Once and for All
By Jean Antonello Release date: By 10 May, 1996

#21 - NEWS ALERT - Mystery UPN Kidnapper Identified

LOS ANGELES, May 4(WPI) -- Police report that they have identified the mystery woman who kidnapped UPN's television studios yesterday. Her name is Winga and she claims to be an aspiring empress to the universe.

Reports state that she hijacked the Tyra Banks Show when Tyra took a five minute break to use the loo. Winga allegedly locked Ms. Banks in the washroom, ran off with the microphone and threatened the cast and audience with her cookie launcher if they did not participate in producing a broadcast of her show, "America's Next Top Winga".

UPN executives have broadcast portions of America's Next Top Winga in order to protect the safety of cast, crew and audience still in Winga's custody.

You can view excerpts below.Police brought in forensic psychologists to develop a profile of Winga.

Experts state that she is a cookie hungry, attention seeking little dumpling with the drive of an angry chihuahua. As long as she stays armed and delirious with celebrity attention, she should be considered a danger to media moguls everywhere.

Copyright 2006, Winga Press Interntaional. All Rights Reserved.

#20 - NEWS ALERT: Mystery Woman Kidnaps Television Broadcast

NEWS ALERT: Mystery Woman Kidnaps Television Broadcast

LOS ANGELES, May 3(WPI) -- Witnesses at UPN studios have reported that a diminuitive woman wearing a red silk tunic , white socks and mary janes has kidnapped the set of Tyra Banks' new talk show.

Reports are sketchy at this time, but it appears that the kidnapper is demanding to be the guest host or she will, "Give Tyra such a nasty pinch!"

She has given executives a list of her demands which include a private sauna in her own pink dressing room, unlimited plates of oreo cookies, the latest edition of People magazine, and a tiara.

Police experts have compiled the following sketch based on witness details:


Authorities are requesting that if you see this woman, DO NOT APPROACH HER! She is armed with a cookie launcher and a bad attitude. Alert your local authorities instead.

Copyright 2006, Winga Press Interntaional. All Rights Reserved.